Angry w/ Myself....
I haven't posted in a while....I suppose because I feel like I am living in the limbo world. That is not a bad thing...just what it is. My AH and I still seperated - he is living with a friend and has been for almost 3 months now. I enjoy my life, it is calm and peaceful...I enjoy my children - and the level of stress in our house has decreased signifigantly. My AH comes to visit our daughter often, which does not bother me...except that when he is here he treats everyone just as before - no parenting role, all jokes and making fun of people, angry at the drop of a hat. I am proud of myself that I don't let his mean words or actions make me have reaction. He simply doesn't own that ability anymore. I am frustrated because I occassionally get my hopes up that he will "wake up" from this strange and mean haze he is in, and then I could actually think about a future. Like I said I feel like we live in limbo. I suppose I am also very frustrated - I have 4 teenage sons, a 14 month old daughter, and am 25 weeks pregnant, and having significant issues with that, I work 40 plus hours a week and take care of everything for the kids, myself, the house etc....and he is doing basically nothing. Works about 10 hours a week if that. Gets angry if I ask him to pick someone up from something or take them anywhere...like I am interfering with his schedule. What in the world......I know my pregnant hormones, and tiredness are causing me these thoughts. I just feel the need to write it down to get it out! I did everything when he lived here too....but now he is always eating out and hanging with his friends...and doing NOTHING...and I am letting it drive me CRAZY!!!!!!!