How you described feeling is exactly how I felt when I finally stopped drinking. It is scary. The thought of living life without a drink petrified me.
I got to the point where everything in my life and how I felt about myself was so intolerable that I had to do something.
Keep trying to put the drink down. Give yourself credit for trying. 2 days here turns into more days there if you want things to change badly enough.
I think you'll finally get to a point where you'll see that drinking is contributing to the anxiety, depression, feelings of despair, hopelessness, etc.
By all means, consult with your dr. if you have any medical concerns about withdrawing from alcohol.
I've been where you're at. I didn't know that recovery was even something I really wanted until I got it and worked it.
You're in good company. Hope to hear more from you. Take care of yourself.