I have expereinced those feelings Lee (hug)
If you go to a meeting, or if you continue to visit SR .... you will see many who like you and I reach a point where the fear of hoping and believing seems as strong as the fear of continuing in the despair.
then again....like you said...
Right now I have nothing, really.
....
So what is the harm in jumping into recovery....you truley have nothing to loose
:ghug3