Hi hopelesswife...and WELCOME TO SR!!! This is an awesome place with loving and supportive people. I'm glad you found us.
Regarding your husband, you've received some good advice. He is addicted to alcohol. You know this. Please remember Takingcharge's last post:
3 Golden Cs ... and an extra P :
Cant control him
Cant cure him
Didnt cause the problem
Couldnt have prevented it
Your husband's choices are not under your influence. You CANNOT change him. You CANNOT make him stop. You are not that powerful! HE chooses to pick up his drink every time, not you. This is undoubtedly the hardest thing to accept: the fact that we, the spouse/partner/friend of the addict have absolutely no control over that person. The best thing we can do is DETACH and focus on ourselves.
I know you love the "sober him", but please realize that he is both the "sober him" and the "drunk abusive him", all rolled into one. Do you love this person completely, loving husband and drunk abusive husband?
I am really concerned for your safety and the safety of your child. If you husband is capable of hurting you, then he is capable of hurting his son. Have you considered calling the National Domestic Violence hotline for support and advice?
1.800.799.SAFE (7233)
National Domestic Violence Hotline
It's free! Please consider calling or checking out the website.
You asked:
How can I love someone who tells me how disgusting I am, and how I'm the biggest **** he's ever met? How can I want to be with him??
As much as your husband is addicted to alcohol, you are "addicted" to him. He is your drug. I would highly recommend reading "Codependent No More", an eye-opening read.
Please keep posting as much as you want. We're here.