Hi, thanks for sharing. Look forward to seeing you post here more.
Congratulations on being sober.
I can understand your reluctance to post here but we are not alone in this and sometimes it is good to reach out and ask for help. If you have been lurking for a while, then you probably know what I am going to say next
It is a good idea to use a specific programme of recovery. Many of us find that we can go for periods of time, even long periods of time, sober but living sober all the time is a different matter.