1)I don't want anyone in my town to see or recognize me going because I feel like a slug even though I know I have nothing to be embarassed about
2)Seeing people a good deal older than me who messed up their lives with alcohol and now A.A. is the most important thing in their life will depress me greatly (I'm sorry if this sounds crass, stupid, boorish, or ignorant.. I'm just being honest)
3)I get social phobia around groups of people
4)I worry they'll think I'm different because I never enjoyed the feeling of alcohol, I just wanted to not feel anything. I have never been a happy drunk with a lampshade on his head.
Hi, glad to see this morning that you are still hanging in there. I personally do not go to AA for other reasons of my own. Shame on me; however I have been and I think you deserve to give yourself at least a chance of making up your mind which way of recovery is right for you. How will you know if you don't try?
1. I understand you worry about being recognized, although it really is anonymous for all. Still, if that is a big concern, try and find a meeting in another town.
2. These so called old timers may have been sober for years and years and have a lot of experience to offer. I really doubt they would depress you even more. And even if some have continued to drink for most of their life, wouldn't that be a good deterrent for you not to waste all those years.
3. If you can, take someone with you that is supportive or just sit in the background and listen. Nobody will force you to talk. If it gets too bad you can always leave.
4. It is the addiction that makes us believe we enjoy alcohol, once we realize we are addicted and have to drink, it no longer seems a pleasure. Maybe you just plunged straight into addiction without wearing the lampshade (can you even remember if you ever did
)
I wish you well, now make that doctor appointment
You are doing well, keep coming back.