Hi Steven, I hope you get the courage to go to an AA meeing. We tell people to look for similarities in others' stories, not for differences. No-one, absolutely no-one, will judge you for being a drunk who never enjoyed alcohol.
Another thing you could do at meetings is talk to others and ask if anyone knows any good therapists who deal with addiction. Sometimes word of mouth can be benefical in finding the right person to help.
I really hope you go and get some phone numbers. Just reaching out and talking to people who understand what you are going through in these tough, anxious hours will really help.