Kmber2010

Yayy.....another day almost down. I can not believe how good it feels to be rid of alcohol and all the depression and anxiety associated with it. I feel so free that it is amazing. The initial withdrawals are gone and I feel so much more relaxed and the thought of drinking is less and less. Those first few days had me pacing and I thought I was going to lose it and relapse....but I didn't. I said....heck if I have to tie myself up and hire someone to feed me then so be it. Still not as productive as I want to be....still tired but doing far more then when I was drinking.

I have to admit that it feels weird without the booze. I am used to being buzzed at this hour and hiding behind the "alternate me" that I figured I would share what things I hated about drinking.

Things I hate about being a drunk:

1. Afraid people would show up unannounced and know that I was drunk.
2. Not remembering and afraid to ask what I did or said the day or night before.
3. Constantly spraying perfume, brushing teeth, and gargling so people wouldn't smell the booze on my breath.
4. Thinking that everyone who looked at me knew I had been drinking.
5. Messing up a conversation because my brain was racing on what I was saying to see if I sounded drunk.
6. Constantly bailing on plans and appts because I got too drunk.
7. Fearing people would see me go to the liquor store and if I ran into somebody afraid who they would tell.
8. Worrying that I had to sober up quick because I had to get to the liquor store before they closed.
9. Hating to hear old stories about what I did drunk. Like how I had too much at the company holiday party and couldn't walk straight in the restaurant.
10. Getting into drunken arguments and having people hate me.
11. Caring more about the booze then family, friends, and my own well being.
12. Having jerks in my life use my drinking against me and talk about it and I couldn't say a word because my drunkeness was all the ammo they needed.
13. Being called a liar even when I wasn't because they knew I was drinking. That really hurt!
14. Feeling like a failure because I couldn't get through a day sober.
15. Bashing my husband because he interfered with my drinking.....even if it was to watch a movie together.
16. Gulping and refilling the wine glass so no one would see exactly how many glasses I had.
17. Always wanting to be left alone and alienating people because I wanted to get drunk and didn't want to be judged.....Now that is really sick.
18. Never eating or cooking dinner because I was drinking all day.
19. If I cooked, the food was burned or overdone because I forgot since I was worried about drinking.
20. Reading posts or emails written when I was drunk and feeling humiliated and wanting to crawl under a rock. I hated the fear of even opening the emails or the posts. Oh man...scary days.

Ok, I could go on and on but had to get these off my chest.

I love being sober!!

God Bless.