Hey Steve,
After reading your posts,I see we share many similarities.I used to love Xanax,painkillers etc.So I totally feel for you.I know what it's like to feel like one big raw nerve.I have always had depressive episodes,and anxiety even before I drank or popped pills.In retrospect I can say that what I was doing was self medicating those underlying issues.I feel it safe to say that a majority of us have felt a-lot of the things that you are feeling right now...and it's a nightmare for sure.It may take some time for you to feel better,but it will happen if you get the help you need to work through it.
We are here for you...