Thanks for the welcome guys.. It helps so much because I am so needy right now it's ridiculous.. Things on TV have made me cry like a baby which is SO unlike me.. I know I have a big problem, I know I'm an addict in every sense of the word, and I want to get completely clean more than anything.
Having said that, I do suffer from bipolar disorder type 2 which has never been properly treated although all sorts of drugs have been given to me.. Type 2 BD just means much more sever depression and less to no manic episodes. So sometimes, during 'dry' times when I'm not using anything, I get a crushing depression which leads inevitably back to drugs and alcohol even though a rational part of me knows that it will only make things worse.
Once again, thanks for making me feel welcome