Hi Wytchy,
I understand what you are saying. It is important to go to meetings where the solution and recovery are shared as well as the stories and what it is like to drink.
Having said that, that's the only meeting you have access to. How about just trying to go for one a week to start with. This disease we have will do anything to get us to drink or use and it will get your head listing all the reasons why you shouldn't go to the meeting. It's suceeding.
Try to make the other list - all the reasons why you should go and it is benefical for you. Put out of your mind all the boring negative crap your head tells you and really find some good points and keep your mind focused on them.
You know from experience you cannot do this alone. Yes this site is fantastic but finding yourself a good sponsor will be of enormous benefit.....you need to work the steps to recover.......and you will only find a sponsor if you keep going to meetings.
Take care.