HIgby442

Hey everyone, hope you are all doing well. First, thanks for all of your help and support the last 3 weeks. Today I am celebrating 21 days sober and am feeling really good.

The last 3 weeks feel like the longest in my life, and so many things have been going on. I have gone from feeling scared, happy to downright uncertain about every 5 minutes. The good news is, my mind is clearing up, my health is better and I am spending a lot of time examining my self, and learning how to live life sober-its not easy, but I like it.

I couldnt believe that on Friday and Saturday, almost 21 days in, that I was so set on drinking again that I had to get out of my house and take my music and just walk around the city. Each night I walked for 3 hours going over and over again in my head, how much I wanted to drink, but also how much I didnt want to. It was awful, and I seriously thought I was going to lose it. I have never had a craving so bad, and I didnt just want to drink, I wanted to do that, or any drug I could get my hands on until I passed out.

But, I finally made it through and it was because I finally found my higher power, something I have been stuggling with these past weeks. I am a religious person normally, and have lived that way my whole life, but for some reason, when it came to my alcoholism, and the 12 steps, my mind was shutting out everything that I ever viewed in religion. I dont know why, but I couldnt go to God like I always did for EVERY other concern in my life. And, on Friday I was out walking and I said, "either I am going to drink tonight or I am not and it's all up to you God, because I cant control myself-the ball is in your court". Well, it was Friday night, and I went home, and fell asleep after about 20 seconds of lying down, and slept 13 hours waking up Saturday so glad about what happened. I have been struggling with being unable to sleep until then. Now, I am not a person that talks about special experiences, but I think I found my higher power that night, and on Saturday when I was craving like a madman, I did the same thing and here I am today. So I made it past step 2 finally.

I have been doing meetings daily, and Friday I walked out of a meeting ready to go drink and I was scared and embarrased and ready to give up. But, my higher power found me, only because I completely gave up. I didnt think that was how it would go down, but it did.

I am glad to be here today, 21 days in and thankful to my higher power for carrying me through.