Now I am wondering why I am even doing it?!?
That was my questions as I was reading your story.
You said in the beginning of your post,
because I was only enabling him...and not letting him realize the consequences of his actions...
I'm not sure there is any difference.
When I quit meth it was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but I did it because I didn't like where my life was going and what I saw happening. My years of meth use brought me down a lot farther than I had ever been but building myself back up is one of the things that helped to give me back my self confidence.
Not letting him deal with the mess he made or created is not helping him imo,
your depriving him of his own growth and stopping him from dealing with things that he needs to deal with. We do drugs , we have consequences and we have to fix them. If he doesn't have to he's liable to not clearly see where the drugs took him and how bad they messed up his life.
Every so often when something makes me think of how much easier it might be with a good ol line. All I have to do is remember how hard I have worked to get where I am today. I know what meth did to my life and I hate it because of it.
I think when we give to people with expectations we are bound to be disappointed and get resentful. There are no guarantees of what will happen when he gets out of rehab, paying his bills and being okay with it because you are expecting things to go a certain way, is setting yourself up for disappointment.
You mentioned how you wanted to help him heal and get better. Addiction affects everyone involved, personally making yourself #1 and helping yourself heal would be my priority.
In rehab you have to make yourself #1 and I think when we are the happiest in our lives is when we make ourself our number one priority.
Putting yourself in second place is always going to bring you pain.
JMO
