Old 01-23-2010, 02:55 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Seekinghope23
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Charlotte, NC
Posts: 20
Realizing that Alcohol is no longer a friend....

Hey everyone this is my first post here and I wanted to say thank you for a wonderful site. This might be longwinded but after last night I have decided to get on the wagon so to speak and start my life over again without alcohol. I am going into this with optimism and excitement as I am so ready for a change and ready for good things to start happening to me again.

I guess I will get to how I came upon this site. Last night I was in the middle of my longest bender to date (about 4 days) and after drinking 8 beers at home I decided it would be a good idea to go out to a bar. I went alone, but of course someone I hadnt seen in a long time happened to be there as well so now I had an excuse to stay longer. After about 4 drinks there he wanted to go to another bar so we went and I dont even remember how many drinks I had there. He then drove me back to my car and thank god I only live a min away from there otherwise I think I might have killed either myself or worse....

I then wake up this morning, feeling like death, and I'm still in my clothes from last night and didnt even bother to take the covers off. Come to find out I had relieved myself during my sleep. Drinking is so glamorous right? I then walk outside to smoke a cig and find that my car is sitting out in the road with the trunk open and it looks like I must have bumped a car or something because I had a little scuff and the reflector was broken.

It's not the first time I have admitted that I am an alcoholic however this time I am seriously committed to this as I am tired of having mornings when I wish I could just crawl away. I seriously spent all day waiting for the police to knock on my door and lead me off in handcuffs. I dont know what I hit, if I hit anything, but I dont remember. I dont like the fact that I have lost control of my life and I want it back. Alcohol has never treated me good, so realizing this why do I still go back to it. I am scared that I am going to end up in the grave or jail if this keeps up and im not ready for the grave and I certainly wouldnt make it in jail.

Im scared and hopeful at the same time. I have previously quit for a year but no longer than that. I had just stopped for a month as that was supposed to be when I wanted to quit. I relapsed and it was pretty bad, the boiling point being last night. I am so anxious and probably going through withdrawls as my hands are sweating pretty heavily. I just wanted to post what made me find you guys and thank you for a place for me to talk about this.
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