wow. i know how you feel. my drinking took control over me and that sucks. i got so angry about it. i just wanted to drink.
the funny thing is though is that the non-alcoholics don't get angry about this, at least from what i've seen, and this just convinces me more that i have a drinking problem.
i had to get desperate before i went to AA and that first 30 days or so sucked. and even while it sucked, my life went better without the drink.
i was getting drunk every night and falling asleep on my couch which wasn't much of a life. and i was starting to skip work. as the saying goes, the man (or woman) takes a drink and the drink takes the man.
yeah, it sucks. and still the alternative is for me to go back to drinking and skip work in order to drink, lose my job, lose my house, lose everything.
so i go to AA meetings every day, talk to my sponsor on a regular basis, work the Steps, and don't drink one day at a time.
i figure if i want the booze, it's always there for me. i can go back to drinking, getting drunk every night and falling asleep drunkenly, and keep sliding down into the hole of being a drunk. but for now, i'm going to keep doing this.
good for you for finding this forum and for putting it out there. it's hard, but i'm glad i'm still doing it.