Old 01-21-2010, 06:54 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
keithj
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
Hi Least,

Well done on getting through that moment. I just wish you didn't have to struggle so much with it. I hope you know that I care enough about you that I'll risk a little discomfort for both of us. I think I do you a dis-service by patting you on the back instead of telling you what I've learned, based on my own experience.

Originally Posted by least View Post
To anyone out there fighting cravings - try to remember how much better you'll feel tomorrow if you don't drink today.
I contrast that belief with a couple of statements made in back to back paragraphs of AA's Big Book.

Originally Posted by AA Big Book, 1st Ed.
At a certain point in the drinking of every alcoholic, he passes into a state where the most powerful desire to stop drinking is of absolutely no avail.

The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink.
This is where the AA program becomes both heartbreaking and also hopeful. I had to ask myself if I really believed those things. Especially that first one about the most powerful desire to stop being useless. Do I really believe that, not for anyone else in the world, but for me? Is it true for me?

And I had to look at my own experience. I had to add up the evidence from my past. How many times had I tried to use all my willpower to not drink? While I was successful for a while, after a few months I found some trivial reason to drink. How many times had I been to treatment where I learned to identify my triggers, and list the good and bad consequences of drinking or not drinking? Again, I was successful for a while, and then started drinking again.

Each of those attempts and ultimate failures filled me with a new resolve, a new determination to work harder next time, stay more vigilant next time, get more support next time. I think, and I like to think, that working harder will make the difference for me. And it never did. I failed over and over.

It's what I see you doing, Least. Doing that same thing as last time. Applying yourself and your own will even harder and more determindely this time. Do you believe that will work any better this time than it did last time? What does your experience tell you?

That was probably the biggest (and hardest) 'old idea' I had to let go of. That I could work harder to stay sober. Maybe I'm weaker than your average bear, but I gave all my effort to staying sober and still failed. It was obvious that I couldn't do it. It turned out to be a blesssing.

I could fully accept that I lacked the power to stay sober. I had to give up. And what happened was that I followed the directions in the BB (with a good sponsor), and I recovered. I haven't had to worry about fighting those cravings for a long time. That obsession was gone in the first few months of working the Steps, and it's never come back.

Something to consider, Least. I'm not trying to tell you that you're wrong or telling you what to do. I'm just saying that I've been stuck in that 'trying really hard/think it through' place, and it didn't work for me. In fact, there is a whole class of alcoholics who wrote the BB and got sober by following the BB, that also found it didn't work. They discuss it at length.

If you can, Least, maybe take a look at your own experience with adding up the cons of drinking and see if that's kept you sober in the past.

Best wishes to you.
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