Hi D
you'll find a lot of support here.
I do have one question tho:
i know that there are support groups and meeting. but i want to try and do it myself.
I'm not being smart, but I've been here - 'doing it yourself' got you where you are now, D.
Don't dismiss any kind of support out of hand - believe me, you'll need all the support you can get...
you need to change things - really change - to get out of this, or you'll just be spinning your wheels. I did that for 15 years.
D