You are not a hypocrite. You have a disease. If I had diabetes and didn't take my insulin, would that make me a hypocrite?...no, it would make me someone who had a problem I wasn't dealing with properly. Like you said, cunning, baffling, powerful. The drink is your demon. It doesn't care about you, your family, your job. It is a part of your mind that wants alcohol NO MATTER WHAT. You have not failed. You know what you need to do or you wouldn't have come clean to those who are close to you. I myself go WAY out of my way to get to meetings, I am only comfortable talking about my disease among strangers (sounds strange, but it works.) Congrats on the five years you did have sober. Thank your Higher Power for them. Then, humbly ask that the Higher Power help you again. The marijuana maintenance comment made me chuckle; you wouldn't believe how many people I know who are that plan...and as we well know, it doesn't work. Get yourself back on track. You can do this. Welcome to SR
Edited to add that my boss knows I attend AA meetings...it is not a secret, I just prefer to take part in meetings with people I don't know...gives me a whole new perspective on things.