But Kassie, you are just in a temporary place.
During last summer, when I discovered my ABF was using, I was heartbroken. The pain was so severe and I just could not quite make the break, although I was trying and trying to talk myself into it. During one conversation, I said to my mother "I just know that if I end things, I will miss him for the rest of my life." And I just sobbed. But she said "Oh, honey, it always feels like that at first."
I didn't feel the truth in what she was saying, but my mother is pretty wise. So I knew that she spoke the truth.
Sometimes we have to find someone trustworthy, and then trust. Sometimes we have to take a leap of faith and believe.