Hi Blue!
You have landed in the right place. This forum is full of wonderful caring people to listen to you while you reclaim your life. Vent...yell...cry...whatever you need to do...you can do it here.
Respect and fairness, low drama. That's what I want to believe I deserve, and what i want to give.
You certainly do deserve better...and you now see it. Acknowledging the problem is half the battle. You can't fix what you didn't know or didn't recognize was broken and damaged. The good news is...it's fixable. It will take hard work to break years of bad habits...but if you read some of the older threads...it will happen. Give yourself time and kindness when you slide backwards from time to time.
Something for you to think about...
The minute I settle for less than I deserve...I end up with less than I settled for.
Work on you...gently. Once you can figure out why you do what YOU do...change will come.
We are all in recovery...one day at a time.
Glad you are here...come back and visit often.
:ghug3