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01-18-2010, 10:49 PM

# 7 (permalink)

CrackQuack

Member

Join Date: Mar 2009

Location: Dayton, OH.

Posts: 879

Quote:

Originally Posted by mfrankl6

I have finally gotten to the point of giving her an ultimatum. The counselor has her going to see a psychiatrist. She says my wife is clearly depressed but int he meantime I am going out of my mind. All while trying to finish school, manage my family, and buy a house. I want to leave but I retract when I remember how much I really do love her.

Welcome to SR!
I highly recommend you check out our friend's and family forum, as they will be a lot more understanding and more able to help you with dealing with your wife.
As an addict, I got a bit of a knee jerk reaction to the title of your thread since I am a crackhead, and we, of course, know what all crackheads do, right? We never stop. We sell ourselves to get crack. And we steal from everyone.. Don't forget the lying! Oh and how disgusting we must be because we smoked crack.
I won't go into what I did and did not do in order to get crack. That's the past. What I will get into is what I did do to get off of it. I realized I had a problem. I sought out treatment. I did a lot of trial and error to get clean, but found my path to recovery that is working for me. I take it one day at a time. I work on ME for ME. I chase my recovery like I chased that crack. I am 11 months clean, almost a whole year. I ain't counting my chickens yet, but I am excited about going a whole year without that horrible drug!
First, ultimatums NEVER EVER work. If anything, they drive us to continue our addictions even more and we'll lie and hide them even better! Because we haven't realized how bad our problems are.
Second, you cannot blame her alcohol drinking on her father. She took that first drink. Addiction CAN and DOES run in the family, but it's not her father's fault. Many of my family are addicts. I have a recovering heroin addict, an active pill addict, and two that passed away (coke, powder, addict and alcohol addict). I HAD all the warning signs, but thought I was invincible because I did all the same drugs as my family and wasn't addicted to any of those. The crux of the situation is I hadn't found my vice and I found it in crack cocaine. Basically, addiction can come from her family, but it is not their fault. You cannot help DNA.
Thirdly, she's got to realize she has the problem. She's got to see it and want to be clean. If she's out drinking and driving YOUR car, call the POLICE ASAP! This will give her a push in the right direction, trust me. Call the police on her EVERY time. OR take the keys away. DO NOT ALLOW her to drive drunk. If you know she's doing this, you could be held liable anyway, as you have knowledge of her habits. Removing the keys or calling the law is the BEST thing to do. It may not feel like it and you may feel guilty, but do not. She's putting other lives at risk, you're enabling her to do so, and you're jepordizing yourself at the same time.
Lastly, nothing will change until she decides to get clean. Period. Threats and ultimatums MAY work temporarily, until she finds a way to hide her drinking, and what will that do? Counseling is nice, but will not be productive until she realizes her problem and wants to get help.
YOU need to take care of YOU. You cannot fix her or help her until she wants help, and even then, she's gotta want to do this for herself. Get yourself to some meetings or personal therapy. Really, check out the friends and family forum.
You're only options, at this point, is to stay or go. Whichever you choose, please seek out some sort of treatment for yourself. *HUGS*