Thank you for listening and replying. Today is a better day. I am learning that the weekends tend be a little more difficult for me, as I am don't have enough to keep my mind from wandering back to the past and jumping forward to the future. It is exhausting to keep myself in the here and now sometimes.
When my little girl and I said our prayers before bed last night, I truly had many things to be thankful for. She is here with me and safe. She has no idea what is truly going on in our world. All she knows is that daddy is not coming home today. He gradually pulled himself out of our lives over months, so this has now become her norm. As sad as it is, it is truly a blessing that she is oblivious to all the chaos and heartbreak around her. She has stopped asking if daddy is going to meet us somewhere, if he is going to have dinner with us or if he will get her up in the morning. Maybe she just knows that the answer I will give her again is “not today honey”.
Somehow, I need to stay focused on the blessings we are receiving daily and let the rest go. As I read on another post, worrying doesn't make anything better or go away. All I can deal with is what is happening right now...I can't change the past and can't make the future go the way I want it to. The most important thing is preserving my little girl's childhood and making sure she feels safe, secure and loved.
I looked into al-anon meetings (we don't have any nar-anon meetings where I live) Though there aren't many meetings , I will try to go to one on Saturday. I have found such comfort and peace from reading the posts here on SR. Knowing that other women have been through this and made it out the other side. That they were able to step out of the muck and see the sunshine is very inspiring.
Thank you again for listening. May God continue to bless you.