Daphne
I'm not sure I'm caught up on this thread - but you're not alone in having done things you're ashamed of.
They're in the past tho - we can't touch them or change them. What's done is truly done.
What we can do is live right today - and on in to tomorrow. Let the latter part of your life make up for whatever it is you're ashamed about in the first part.
I think everyone deserves a good life and some peace and contentment. I certainly don't see you as irredeemable
Sure some people make bad choices or go down wrong, even evil, paths - but thats not relevant here. Daphne
You have a chance for a new start - take it
D