Hi Daphne,
Everyone deserves peace of mind, including you. I don't quite get how Hitler etc is your comparison but I would guess the burden of guilt has been hugely distorted over the years that you have carried it. I hope that now you have started to open up anonymously that you will be able to release this pain with the counsellor when you see them in a couple of weeks.
You are at a point of no return. You know now that you cannot stop drinking even though you have to. Those carefree days of drinking like it doesn't matter are gone.... never to return. Everytime you drink now you will experience this despair the next day.
Keep sharing here if it helps. We all understand what you are going through even though your circumstances may be unique to you.
Take care