hi Daphne dont give up, you sound a strong willed, independent woman this can only help you,
i too had to learn to love myself, i used to think i didnt deserve to be happy and i used to have an uncontrollable urge to self-destruct, honestly i just couldnt stop myself doing it over and over again,
one day it will all fall into place for you , you'll see, truthfully, life has got alot better for me since i stopped pouring all that poison down my neck, and looked into the reasons why i kept on doing it for so long,