trust
Hi there Tyler
I have 2 perspectives on this
In my professional role I deal with issues like this. The advice given is you have to work at rebuilding relationship
The bond(read up on attachment theory) has been severed at a crucial stage in your sons development. He will have developed a coping mechanism to cope with this and avoid further hurt or rejection. This means kids will often reject or appear distant with the "absent" parent. He will underneath be scared. Try to take it slowly and gently. The doing activities together is good .....but do not try too hard as a 9 yr old will see through this, also they can associate time with you as "getting treats".... which apart from anything else will undermine things at home with mum.
Its complex, but the basics .... keep the communiciation , as the adult you do all the running, the contact MUST be consistent as if you let him down, cancel visit, or do not call then he will view it as a rejection.
Many 9 yr olds are rubbish on the phone and do not respond to questions like "what did you do at school" with anything other than "not much" so the akward communiction is partly just normal kids stuff
But do not underestimate your role in this childs life. ALL research shows that kids from broken homes do better in life, if they have maintained a relationship with the non custodial parent. You can make a difference.
My other perspective is personal. I never knew my father. My mother lied about his identity. This worked away on me all my life. In my 30s i traced him. My this point he was an alcoholic vagrant living on the streets. He had other children who he had also "lost" whilst in and out of jail, the guilt had destroyed him. He did apologise to me which meant something.
I had my "ideas" about what my dad would be like. The reality could not have been more different.
Even though it broke my heart I do not regret tryin to get to know him. Once we got him a hostel place he wrote me many letters and filled in a few gaps, unfortuantely he clearly had severe mental health problems and most of the letters were paranoid and incoherent.
If my dad had made any effort to contact me in my childhood or any attempt to form a relationship of any kind, it would have made a difference to me as a person.
One of the routes of my self hate is the rejection by my father and latterly in life my mother, who hates me.
So please, please maintain CONSISTENT contact with your child, it will be tough at time but do not give up on him