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Old 01-16-2010, 03:27 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
intention
Don't resist, allow
 
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: South East of England
Posts: 1,521
Hi Tyler

My son is 7, so a couple of years younger but I care for him all the time on my own. He occassionally stays with his Dad. Now I like to speak to him on the phone each day when he is there but those phone calls are awkward and uncomfortable. Sometimes that is just how kids are. Particuarly boys.

Perhaps you are being a bit hard on yourself here and reading too much into this.

My advice would be don't force him into having conversations when he is not interested and certainly don't force the conversation if you are seeking his approval/acceptance (be honest with yourself here)

Concentrate on being a constant in his life. Phone him every day at an agreed time and just say Hi. Thinking of you. Phone you tomorrow. Love you. Have the conversation he wants/needs rather than the one you want/need.

If you keep doing this you he will become to rely on you and know he can trust on you. You can build on this in small steps when you get to see him. Don't overwhelm him. Just prove to him by your actions that you are there for him, always, nothing more. You don't have to be superdad taking him everywhere.

When I ask my son about his day after school he tells me to be quiet or that he doesn't want to talk. That's all it is - he just doesn't want to talk. It's got nothing to do with me. I just leave him and then he comes to me when he is ready. By bedtime, I can't shut him up

Anxieties are tough to deal with, my boy has had a lot. Try not to read too much into them - in that it is all your fault for screwing up your life etc etc. Just take small steps to reassure him.

Overall I think the more you can just be constant in his life the closer he will get to you. Just do make sure that you don't let him down and make promises you can't keep, as that will undermine the trust and reliability you are trying to build.

It sounds like he has a great Mum there too. You're lucky as it doesn't always work out like this when the relationship breaks up/partner lets partner down.

Kids are very resiliant and as they grow they do forget. In a few years time his overriding memories of you will be the sober/clean Dad you are now and the past will be forgotten.

Take care.
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