Originally Posted by
Untoxicated 
I not sure I'm an alcoholic.
I've been reading Under the Influence and have read on here that if you wonder if you're an alcoholic try drinking again.
With both things in mind, I did. I had some light beers on Tuesday and I didn't see what the big deal was (not like I used to). I bought a 12 pack and didn't even finish it. It took me about 7 hours to drink 10 beers and I hardly got a buzz.
Why did I drink in the first place? I wanted to see if I was an alcoholic. For those that don't know I was on anti-depressants for the past four years and went off them cold turkey on 9/25. Since then my desire for the drink has small to none.
I tend to play the blame game a lot - I blamed alcohol for my problems, then I blamed my anti-depressant for drinking alcohol. I never blamed myself for my actions, it was always something else.
So I'm pretty confused. I wonder how many people that are told they are an alcoholic actually drink more because they think it's what they are supposed to do. Once I figured out I wasn't (or didn't think I was) based on Under the Influence and some soul searching, I grabbed some beer and didn't even have a huge desire to slam it. (Before I would buy the strongest beer and some hard liquor because I thought that's what I should do because I was an alcoholic and the desire to quit wasn't there based on my anti-depressant - pg. 38 of Under the Influence).
So if alcohol isn't the problem, then what the hell is? I seem to have lost my motivation and zest for life. Do I need to got to AA to learn how to live again?
Can telling someone they are an alcoholic who isn't be just as devastating as not telling someone who is?
Confused and thanks.
hi how you doing........is it warm in here or is it me......
its a good honest post.........shame its becoming a fragmented tit 4 tat..
I have some experience of people that were confused to whether they are alcoholic or not.
Its my belief that some peoples drinking resembles alcoholism....very closely.
when problems arise they may appear to be true alcoholic in their drinking.
they may develop a physical dependency to alcohol.....and may even end up in hospital.
alcoholism is very very different from problem/heavy drinking IMO.
i know plenty of guys that drink every night.......maybe ten pints.
but the minute the wife get tight.......or they need to refrain for some reason..they stop.....and stop for significant lengths of time too.
they can also reduce the intake......if they need too.
CHOICE is still a factor in their drinking.....and willpower is still effective.
i consider myself alcoholic....101%.......different from some of my heavy drinking friends.
firstly Ive lost the power of choice when booze hits my gut.
something happens which i cannot describe...rather than enjoy the rosy warmth of booze.....i find myself quickly drinking faster than others around me.
rather than becoming satisfied.......it has the opposite effect
i want more and more and more
most of those friends went home hours ago...........I'm still trawling the late night bars..........normally too blackout........finding myself waking in strange places....maybe jail.........maybe hospital..........maybe a store doorway.
i wake in the morning and quickly I'm consumed with the idea of getting more booze.....and off i go......again.
when im finally burnt out and detox is the only option i disappear into hospital to detox...if I'm lucky.
so i come out of hospital with a new vigor.....jeez I'm never ever gonna do that again......i swear on my daughters life........never ever ever.
life feels good for a short while.....pink fluffy puppies all over......lifes grand.
slowly the clouds desend....i become restless......nothing seems to go right.
a thought of a drink enters my mind........at first i reject it....
depression slowly decends........"man why dont people just f off and leave me alone"......i become aggressive and short tempered.
i become bitter and angry.....im surrounded by idiots......
insomnia sometimes kicks in.
vague thoughts of suicide come to mind.......
a thought of a drink enters my mind again.........was it that bad?
the force of consequences of drinking last time......become irrelevant.
shortly they become a vague memory......
at this point i may be sober a week.......i have managed 6 months..
white knuckling it.........literally.
the day comes when the thoughts and obsessions about alcohol get the upper hand and i drink again........i have no choice.
I'm completely powerless to fight off the urge.
and so the cycle starts again.
i did this over and over and over and over for at least 20 years.
a physical allergy coupled with a mental obssession......
alcoholics of my type have lost the power of choice.....willpower wont help.
locking me up wont help.........losing everything didn't help.
this is why some....including myself suggest trying controlled drinking if you are unsure of your condition.
try drinking and stopping abruptly......stop altogether for long periods.
have one and stop.......make a bottle of wine last a week like my wife..lol
if you are honest with yourself you will easily be able to diagnose your drinking patterns.
some have issues that have nothing to do with alcoholism.....i did and used a therapist which helped.
This post is only MY experience with alcoholism.....
and why i would consider myself alcoholic.
hope this helps with your self examination