Hey there and welcome
You have obviously reached a point where you don't want this any more, The support on here is brilliant. Only you can sort yourself out.
It would appear that you have alot going on in your life at the moment. Have you got an Alcohol and drug centre near you? and have you done any counselling?
I found my local a & d centre was my lifeline, they also do counselling which has helped me conquer my demons so much.
Do you get support as the carer for your eldest child. Do you get support from the Macmillan nurses about your father in law?
Have you been to see your doc recently and told him what is going on?
Well done for starting to reach out.