I was here in August, in serious denial of how bad my problem was. I did get though the 5 days of hell and made it. I went to the doctor on the 9th and read a pamphlet again that told me the differnce between addiction and dependence so I could lie to myself some more and justify another script.
I do have chronic pain, but it not an excuse to take the pills anymore. I will gladly go through the hell, if i thought i was strong enough to keep going. I know the fear is the same pretty much for everyone, but being a medical professional myself I know Im killing myself. I worry constantly about how much acetamenphen I have ingested in 24 hrs, will my liver fail in 2 days cuz I cant keep my hand off of something I know is going to take me out.
I know I want to stop. Period. I feel broken and I dont understand myself. Im trying to get a grasp on this this and wrap my head around the issue. Im not at the end of my bottle by any means. But I am at the end of my rope. I just feel like its time to stop being afraid but I feel like it maybe be to late. Is there a to far?
I havent lost a job, family, or friends, but my rock botton will be not going to seek medical attention out of fear of being found out when the time comes and I do need it. Did I mention I am scared to death.
I have a good life otherwise, and my reality will soon fall away if I dont fix things. How can I get past this part where my brain knows but it wont listen and nor will my body to what I am screaming everytime another 4hrs rolls around?
Im sry it so lengthy and I am deperate for anything right now
