I still feel like I did when I was drinking
so did i.............and had all the traits of a drunk.
i see quite a few posts like this recently......ive stopped drinking and life seems to get worse or stay the same.
carrying around all that horrible shame........still walking around with my head down.
one of my favorite sayings is....."nothing happens if nothing happens"
it is so true for me........even today sitting on a resentment without dealing swiftly with it can bring back those old feelings of........"oh f it"
AA 12 steps unraveled my twisted perception of me and the world around me...i realize how sick mentally i was.
so when all else failed.........and i tried plenty of things.....women....money...gambling.......i finally wound up at AA with all hope lost.
I JUST WANNA FEEL LIKE A ROUND PEG AND A ROUND HOLE.
i was told my mind was as sick as my body..........i was told i would not get better by doing nothing.
9 years ago i said to myself.........."f it.. what choice do i have"
this old man better be telling the truth
that i could recover.........IF.........i followed precisely the instructions laid out by a bunch of drunks in the book "alcoholics anonymous".
A small part of the story is i never drank again.....and i dont plan to.
a big part of the story is i finally found a peace with ME and the world around me.
i finally felt like that round peg........at last i didn't feel insane anymore and life has a new meaning.
sure......it wasnt/isnt......100% easy 100% of the time.
but is a long way...a very long way from the old me.
I'm a baby in AA really.........and if Ive only tasted a bit of what is available to me and my family..........well I'm in for the long haul...
god be with you.