A friend of mine (who doesn't know I'm sober) came by about an hour ago to say "hi" and chat. He brought a bottle of wine.
Seriously? This just moments after I posted about wanting to just take a break from sobriety just for one night! Really???!!!
It kind of felt like I was being tested. He's never brought over a bottle of wine before, but knows I love it. For a second I thought, "Wow, how convenient. You just wish for it and there it is." But in the next split second I heard myself asking him if he wanted a glass of it, to which he replied, "Only if you are." It was like someone else talking when I said, "Oh, no thanks, but I'll be happy to pour you one." And I did. I could smell it as I opened it and even got whiffs of it on his breath as we talked.
Hmmm. Kind of smelled rank. Did I used to smell like that? Yes. A lot.
Anyway, he was getting ready to leave and I panicked a little about the bottle he was clearly going to leave behind for me. While he was in the bathroom I placed the cork back on it and prepared it for it's journey home. To someone else's home. He didn't even question why I didn't want to keep it and I suspect was actually looking forward to having another glass when he got home. I know if it stayed here I would have drank it. Or at the very least tossed and turned all night debating "should I?" "shouldn't I?" and "why not" "what's the harm", etc.
Oh well. Dodged a bullet for today. But I sure hope you guys are right and that things get better. I do really well most of the time, but some days I just have these "moments". Thanks for caring and sharing.
