Being able to forgive ourselves is one of sobriety's greatest gifts. Unfortunately, it doesn't often come right away(it takes a little work and acceptance). The remorse usually comes first, and it is a bad feeling. Our feelings are so raw when we first quit using, it is confusing. Please be kind to yourself, know that you are fighting a disease that doesn't like to lose. It will try to draw you back in while you are still vulnerable.
Please know that it will get easier once you are able to accept that you have a disease and that you are not a bad person because of it. Everyone makes mistakes and bad decisions, even "normal people". Most important, know that you don't have to go through it alone, we are here and we understand, many of us were once where you are now, and many of us are going through the same thing as we speak.
It does get better, I promise
Cathy