Originally Posted by
daphne 
Thanks so much for the support and welcoming me back
I need to sort myself out
No doubt about it
Still wrestling with the whole concept. The what ifs, whys, hows etc etc
having such a questioning personality is a bloody pain in the ass at times
Please bear with me. With you guys help I will hopefully get there.
I have probably led some people to think its all "success and hapiness" with me.
I have a good life and job now ( in my 40's)but have had to struggle to get that
I had a very difficult upbringing which led eventually to a **** relationship with my mother. I was fed up "parenting" her
I lived as a single parent on benefits ( welfare) and funded myself through university by working part time (still got the highest grade in 12 yrs for my degree!)
So over the years like many people I drank to deal with stuff in my childhood, a awful marriage break up , huge debt , loss etc
So I suppose what I am saying is the drinking became a habit over the years to cope with what was ( looking back) a very tough life
Now life is better BUT I am left with the habit I do not need
I am somone who doesn't do victim status , doesn't ask for help , doesn't winge and just gets on with it, More than that my professional life has been all about HELPING others , I am the helper not the one with needs!
I need to learn to stop the struggle against weakness and admit I need help
Just wanted to welcome you back as well. I too suffer from a "questioning personality" and have been known to be a bit confortational. When I first came to this site, all I wanted to do was argue with everyone who was trying to give advice to help me. I felt I knew better, in spite of the fact that they "had what I wanted" (clean & sober) and I was still drinking and drugging. There have been many times over they years that I have "taken my toys and went home", only to come back several week, month or even years later to openness and forgiveness.
This is a great place to come for help and support. Please try to remember, and it took me a LONG time to get this, that 99.9% of the people that respond, only want to help you. You may or may not agree with the advice and it is always your choice if you choose to take it. Bear in mind though, when you start seeing a pattern of many people telling you the same thing, making the same suggestions, maybe you should at least consider giving them a shot. Not being critical, just sharing my personal experience with arguing, getting upset and ultimately ending up just spinning my wheels and staying in the same place for far to long.
Once I realized that not only did I not have all the answers to all the questions, but all the questions really didn't have to have answers to make progress, things got a lot easier for me. Anyway, good to see you back. Take care.