Originally Posted by
sunset2000 
Hey Lion,
I really want to address something that you mentioned in your recent post. You said you called a teammate out on his lack of work, (i.e. you had the strength to be honest and confront him). How did you feel afterward? How did he take it? Did you feel you handled it well? This brings up a big concern I've had recently regarding my early sobriety.
Over the past three years I have made a LOT of really bad decisions due to a "foggy head" and "overactive emotions" from drinking. One of the things that feels so great now is that I feel strong again and feel like I can make better decisions.
If you've read some of my other posts you know that I belong to a social group where we all play cards together (poker) at each other's homes. There are several people in the group who have come to feel that it is their RIGHT to enter someone's home and act any way they want to. Heck, when I was drinking I'm sure I acted a fool at other's homes as well, although no one ever confronted me about it (but I did hear rumors).
Anyway, the sober me can no longer tolerate people who behave badly at home games and I've had to remove/uninvite some people who thought we were friends (and I mean that loosely because we never hung out outside of poker). They are not taking it well.
My point is that my decisions are causing a lot of uproar within the group and the group means a lot to me. I already had a reputation for being quite controlling and a "rules" freak. Now, these people I have excised are talking bad about me and bringing up my foolish "drinking days", claiming they defended me but now I'm throwing THEM under the bus. No one really knows that I am sober now. And I'm afraid people may not want to play at my place anymore.
I feel like I'm doing the right things for the right reasons, but there will be a backlash. No one else ever speaks up or confronts these people, they just tolerate their bad behavior. But I can't just sit back and take it anymore.
Am I being a hypocrite now, seeing how I used to be kind of annoying myself? And how do you know you're making better decisions this early in recovery? And how do you stay strong when you believe in what you're doing and others do not? If I lose my strength now, I don't know what will happen.
Edit to include: I also wonder if part of my recovery is to learn to be more tolerant of others. Am I supposed to find some way to accept and welcome these folks into my home who make me uncomfortable? I'm a bit confused.
Hey sunset
Well I wanted to tell him exactly what I thought of him but havent really said much. I say little things but not everything. I have to hold back or I would lose my job.
Lately with confrontation...ok well, I do my best to be tactful, I try and think how it would feel from the other side ie someone saying it to me. People I talk to generally take it ok, the work guy doesnt like me and I dont like him so anything I say he tries to find something I have done to throw back at him so I try and restrain myself now, meaning its not worth my energy to waste on him. I have tried to do the right thing and have integrity in doing so but he has different morals to me and all I can do is stand back and allow him to walk his destructive path, I cannot control what he does.
I do know about your other posts and think you are doing well with it but it sounds like its getting quite ugly. My opinion is to keep doing what you are doing but keep in mind sometimes you do need to have tolerance of others and let loose a little. If you are completely stringent on things and have broken them in the past, its a little hard to now stand up and say something, imo.
Here is a question for you: How important is it that you have people play at your place? AND How important is it that you can now see clearly enough to say and do the right thing and have some integrity?
It sounds like a hard position to be in, especially so early. Do you think that maybe concentrating on one thing at a time might help?
I believe you will only lose the strength if you listen to those beating you down, believe in your ability to make decisions, even if they are wrong, you can learn from them and move forward, isnt that life anyway? And come back here to get it...you know the support this place gives you!
You said you were going to start meetings, have you done that yet? Maybe an idea now to get to one or a few to have face to face contact with others who may be able to help you.
I hope you are ok, keep in touch!