Hey Lion,
I really want to address something that you mentioned in your recent post. You said you called a teammate out on his lack of work, (i.e. you had the strength to be honest and confront him). How did you feel afterward? How did he take it? Did you feel you handled it well? This brings up a big concern I've had recently regarding my early sobriety.
They say not to make any radical changes or make big decisions in the early stages. However, for me, that's not quite possible because I FEEL different now and I want CHANGE now.
Over the past three years I have made a LOT of really bad decisions due to a "foggy head" and "overactive emotions" from drinking. One of the things that feels so great now is that I feel strong again and feel like I can make better decisions.
If you've read some of my other posts you know that I belong to a social group where we all play cards together (poker) at each other's homes. There are several people in the group who have come to feel that it is their RIGHT to enter someone's home and act any way they want to. Heck, when I was drinking I'm sure I acted a fool at other's homes as well, although no one ever confronted me about it (but I did hear rumors).
Anyway, the sober me can no longer tolerate people who behave badly at home games and I've had to remove/uninvite some people who thought we were friends (and I mean that loosely because we never hung out outside of poker). They are not taking it well.
My point is that my decisions are causing a lot of uproar within the group and the group means a lot to me. I already had a reputation for being quite controlling and a "rules" freak. Now, these people I have excised are talking bad about me and bringing up my foolish "drinking days", claiming they defended me but now I'm throwing THEM under the bus. No one really knows that I am sober now. And I'm afraid people may not want to play at my place anymore.
I feel like I'm doing the right things for the right reasons, but there will be a backlash. No one else ever speaks up or confronts these people, they just tolerate their bad behavior. But I can't just sit back and take it anymore.
Am I being a hypocrite now, seeing how I used to be kind of annoying myself? And how do you know you're making better decisions this early in recovery? And how do you stay strong when you believe in what you're doing and others do not? If I lose my strength now, I don't know what will happen.
Sorry this is so long, but I really need help regarding this because I'm starting to doubt myself and self doubt and fear always drove me to the drink in the past.
Edit to include: I also wonder if part of my recovery is to learn to be more tolerant of others. Am I supposed to find some way to accept and welcome these folks into my home who make me uncomfortable? I'm a bit confused.