Daphne...
Glad to have you back here with us.
I know those feelings you are describing. I had to feel stimulated...had to have "something" going on. I used alcohol to keep that stimulated feeling going for a long time. Sadly, it did stop working for me, and I was left with just me, and all
this crap I had carried around. I really didn't know where to go or what to do.
That was frightening to me.
I hope that you are able to find the answers you seek to help you work thru this.
Peace