Originally Posted by
David2010 
I don't wake up and start drinking. I wake up and hate myself for what I drank the night before. I then tell myself that it will stop today. I really believe on some days that this will be the day it ends. But then I slip...I rush to pick up my kids from their after school club so I can drink some before my wife gets home from work an hour later. I also go into my office where I hide the alcohol and take drinks when no one is around. When I'm drinking my troubles are forgotten - until the next morning when it starts all over again.
My wife & I have been going through very difficult times for several years - we haven't been close (despite everything we've been through). There has been no affection nor intimacy. We fight often (sometimes even in front of the kids which I hate). Our relationship has been been pushed to the brink and I told her I was thinking about divorce.
Quite a few similarities there between your story and mine. That's one of the first things I learned in recovery, to listen for the similarities rather than the differences, it helped me to identify myself as an alcoholic.
I went in to AA at age 41 also, in 2005. I'd been married for almost 11 years, we had two beautiful kids, a nice home, etc. Sorta like the alcoholic version of the American Dream. But that's where the similarities end. She was having affairs with co-workers, we divorced, I ended up in a small apartment with joint custody of my kids. Gave up my life in favor of the bottle for awhile is the way I see it.
You've still got a shot at saving what you have. What I know from 2/21/05 is that drinking ceased being an option, I couldn't safely drink again
no matter what. Recovery is possible, you won't die from not taking another drink, staying clean and sober can give you a life beyond your wildest dreams and expectations. But I won't lie, it's hard work, it takes effort and commitment.
Welcome to SR David, glad you're here and I hope you stick with it and do this deal.