blui

hi -- i'm new -- i guess that's a given since i'm posting under this topic.

i'm not an addict -- seriously, i'm not -- so why am i here?

i have a 20 year old son that i think might be -- and he's not interesting in stopping -- and i'd like some advice or stories from people about what made them get help -- especially if they didn't want to. he would probably fit dual diagnosis as well.

sorry this will be long.

some background on my son --

he had learning disabilities and speech problems when he was young which made school difficult. we had problems in our marriage when he was growing up, i think that was very hard on him too. i'm very willing to take my responsibility for my part of the problem. he was very shy as a child, did not like new things.

as he hit puberty, i began to see more of what i now know is social anxiety and depression. he begged & begged to not get help -- for us to just allow him to be himself. i love my son too much -- it makes me a pushover -- so i let it be. i also saw glimpses of paranoia, but only recognize that in hindsight.

at 15 1/2, he had a psychotic break. it was quick, involved about a week of no sleep, no food -- the ER scared the hell out of all of us and didn't give us any real answers, just wanted to ship him off by himself in the middle of the night when he was terrified. he did pass the drug test with flying colors though. we brought him home, got him to sleep & he came around. only counseling was recommended and it wasn't much help & didn't last long.

he was ok until he was 17 and it happened again. and i mean ok for him, he had a couple friends, but was pretty withdrawn. again -- no sleep, no food for an extended period of time. we skipped the ER this time and his dr recommended a psychiatrist this time. he was diagnosed with depression, general anxiety disorder, insomnia and put on anti-depression medication. it worked pretty well except it had to be constantly increased.

at 18, another break -- this time 9 days with absolutely no sleep -- we know because we took turns staying up with him so he didn't have to go inpatient. the right anti-psychotic was a miracle for him although there were downsides to it as well.

in the meantime, he would experiment with various other things to see if something made him feel better. he tried marijuana, didn't like it. he tried drinking, didn't care for it. he said nothing stopped the thoughts that were like bugs in his head -- he couldn't stop thinking about bad things that had happened to him.

so --- last march, my husband was in a terrible motorcycle accident and was almost killed. he's still recovering. there were pain meds all over the place, we were all having a bad time of it -- and my son started sneaking the hydrocodone. i'm sure he'd tried it before, it's all over the schools, he's had friends that have had serious health problems -- or stole from their parents.

in the past 6 months, he's stopped doing the few things he enjoyed. he says that the hydrocodone is all he cares about and it's his "life choice" -- that it's the only thing that makes him feel better. he's even planning on giving that speech to his psychiatrist today -- i don't know if he'll go through with it.

he says it doesn't matter if he doesn't have a life, because he never had one anyway -- that he's not giving up anything. that he'd rather be happy for a short-life than miserable for a long one.

as of last thursday night, he's not had any more access to the drugs. obviously he's not physically addicted because he hasn't had any problems other than the return of the depression. he wasn't taking it everyday -- he was sneaking it slow enough that we just weren't sure -- and we'd ask him and he's deny taking it.

he says that he'll find a way -- he'll hurt himself -- drive to mexico -- something.

he doesn't want to hear about addiction -- he doesn't think treatment will help him -- he just see's that he was miserable and suffering -- and now he's not. this is terrible to say, but i see his point. i think if someone had taken my misery away, i'd want to keep using too.