Ok I started this thread over 2 weeks ago. It is now over 12 hours since I used something other than God and The 12 Steps to aid my recovery from Alcoholism.
That is the reason for my substance abuse, trying to escape from Alcoholism, I was born into Alcoholism, it was there from the word go, I didnt know that at the time of course, I thought Im in the wrong family Im on the wrong planet I dont feel normal, everyone outside of my Home??? life appears to be normal, Im not normal 15 years after being born I discover an escape from Alcoholism, Alcohol. I drank alcohol to escape Alcoholism.
Then I am forced to stop drinking Alcohol, it is extremely dangerous for me, then I used Fear of being drunk as a basis for recovery, then substances other than alcohol, there is a long list. Now that I have made the decision to stop, and I mean even something like a cigarette is substance abuse, at this moment I feel clean, Im about to go to an AA meeting, If I even smoke a cigarette now I wont feel clean, I will immediately feel dirty again, the cigarette would lead me to other substances, and Im nowhere again. Al I can do for myself at the moment is do what the book says, on a daily basis.