Hi DownInIt
Welcome to SR.
I remember being in a similar bind.
Eventually I determined to change my life, I had to change my life.
To me, that meant finding support and, for me, that support was SR.
Other people find that a face to face group like AA or SMART or LifeRing et. al. helps...
I hope SR can be the help to you that it was to me
Keep posting
D