I've been doing a lot of reflection of an experience I had yesterday. I shared this in the alcoholism forum that I went to my first AA meeting yesterday. I was nervous, frightened and reluctant to go but I forced myself through the door only to find that the first face I saw was my old sponsor from when I was first in 12 Step recovery.
He had had a huge impact on me getting recovery the first time. He took me through the steps and the Big Book and he told me bluntly what was what. I haven't seen him for at least 8 years, so to see him there when I am admitting for the first time that I am an alcoholic was just incredible.
I left that meeting feeling that now that I had surrendered I was being guided by a far, far greater power than myself. I was on such a high and my usual Friday afternoon thoughts of drinking were non-existent.
I met a friend at the school gates and we were standing in the freezing cold and snow and she told me how she was going to go home, change into pyjamas and drink half a pint of Guiness before bed.
Suddenly I had these really vivid images flashing through my mind and I am in warm pyjamas and fluffly slippers, drink in hand beside a roaring log fire and there are cute puppies and kittens and my life is just cosy and blissful !!!
When has my drinking ever been like that????? And I have certainly never drunk half a pint in my life nor have I ever wanted to ??
I went from this wonderful high of recovery to this warped view of what drinking alcohol was like in a split second.
Fortunately this time I was able to clearly see the insanity. I didn't drink yesterday and I am not drinking today.
Sober greetings to everyone
