Hope
One of the worst things for me about when i was still drinking was the hopelessness that I felt. I would momentarily try to shake myself up to feel slightly better about my life only to be brought back down to a state of hopelessness after a celebratory binge out in town.
I would buy new clothes and then of course want to go and wear them out, so i would go out into town and to see some chicks, but of course as soon as the booze was down my neck then I would be off. New clothes would usually end up with oil (dont ask me how but I always used to seem to get motor oil on my clothes?!! LOL), vomit or just general crap all over them and I would be back to that pitt of depression and despair that only another drink would get me out of. Back to square one yet again... only I could feel my alcolholism growing in darkness and power.
I feel friggin great tonight. The compulsion to drink has been removed on a daily basis at the moment and I feel a great sense of hope.
I have learned to not wish for the world all at once in recovery. If I buy new clothes I can wait to wear them out... There is no rush!! Things will all slot into place in their own time... Life on life terms. As long as I put my side of the bargain in then i have faith that I will be rewarded. This feels great to have this faith. Not in a divine power but in the power of "recovery" from alcolholism and drug addiction.
I am so gratefull to be out of that pitt of hell and despair that I was in.
Thankyou all for giving me hope!!!
peace and Love xxx