Dee... Interesting. I spend too much $ out and am in such severe debt that I wouldn't put myself in a position where I'm with people who drink a lot. I avoid bars with people from school like the plague because I know I spend WAY too much and I protect myself from being seen like that by drinking in a much cheaper place... my home. Back at my parents hundreds of miles away, my friends rarely see me sober bc I see them at parties etc... here though, my friends rarely or NEVER see me intoxicated.
Neomarx... Thanks for being so candid. I understand how people may see me that way and it may be very true. You aren't the first to tell me that. Cubile and Lenina... I know that AA isn't the only way and I'm not even opposed to AA. It's just the community that I am in, and at the dental school, I work with a lot of substance abusers and recovering substance abusers. I guess I'm afraid of being recognized and I don't want to mess up $250K of school.
Susan... I have stopped drinking for a week. I am miserable by day 3 tbh and I can't sleep and my hands are numb and tingly and that's generally when I figure it's just better to stop after school stress is over. But I don't want to wait that long on some level. Wich... I wish heeding the warnings of others was enough for me but I think I can explain why I can't fairly easily in the following.
Intention... I've never been asked what it would take to convince me I had a severe enough problem before and that made me think a lot. It goes along with what Wich mentioned. Say I did lose my job, a spouse and got a DUI. Knowing me, I would say I lost my job due to bad luck or the economy and they were looking for an excuse. Lots of people lose jobs wo alcohol... I have been fired before even, that I lost a spouse because we grew apart. Lots of people lose spouses without alcohol... and that I got a DUI because my tolerance wasn't high enough since I'm not an alcoholic and EVERYONE KNOWS that SUBSTANCE ABUSERS rather than those DEPENDENT on alcohol are generally the ones who get DUIs. If I got into a fight, I figure it wasn't alcohol, it was my temper and lack of patience. NOTHING would be blamed on alcohol. I openly admit I'm a fairly bad substance abuser! Just not physically dependent (I'm probably psychologically dependent but that doesn't make me alcoholic) and yeah, there is a difference!
So what would it take? Maybe certain threats of losing a career, maybe certain threats of losing my husband only if in both of these cases alcohol was DIRECTLY stated as the ONLY reason! If I showed up late too often from drinking the night before and lost my job, I wouldn't blame the alcohol for instance... I'd blame laziness or the company for not understanding how terrible I felt. This probably puts me in a hazard category because I don't know. Even death I'd assume it was just my time. Point is I WANT to change that I just haven't been able to convince myself to.