I spent 20 years trying to chase that first moment of euphoria...I think most, if not all, of us did.
Drink was my cushion too...it was my way of dealing with the things I found undealable.
Unfortunately the drink came to dwarf all my other problems - even outlived some of them.
Looking back over the wreckage of 20 years, I wish I'd just gone to a counsellor instead
D