Morning Daphne,
As to resentments and how they affect our drinking here is a quick illustration. Yesterday the dentist calls and asks if I can come in early in the next half hour. I ask if I can make it 35-40 mins to get there. No, it has to be 30 minutes or not at all. I have 5 minutes to get me and my son ready and out the door. I don't have time to do my hair or put on my make-up and really hope I don't bump into someone I know looking like this. So we fly down the road, slipping and sliding on the ice, freezing as it is windy and snowing heavily. We get there with a minute to spare.
I sit in the waiting area and I am multi-tasking - talking to my son, reading the posters, looking at the fish in the tank, observing other patients. But I also have one eye on the receptionist in a resentful glare. She is keeping me waiting!
While I think I am going about my life, the resentment towards the receptionist is growing. I could have had the 10 minutes I needed instead of spending them sitting in the waiting room. I'm mad!! And she doesn't even apologise nor make any eye contact with me. I'm even madder!!!
My alcholic mind is powerful enough to use an instance like this to tell me I deserve a drink after the day I have had or that it is good to unwind and chill out........all without me even realising anything was really wrong. I mean, it is no big deal is it, to have to wait for 10 minutes to see the dentist?
With recovery I realise this and quickly work through the steps and serenity is with me once more. What I learned doing Step 4 is that minor, insignificant and mundane instances in my life caused me great problem - it is not just all about big trauma and my childhood.
But having said that, whether it be the big bad stuff from the dark past or being robbed of 10 minutes of my life by the dentist, the solution is the same and it works
I hope that explains it more for you. Take care.
All quotes from the BB first edition.