[QUOTE=lauraandersen4;2480186]
I understand what you guys are all saying. It's just I WANT to WANT to stop more than I actually want to if that makes sense. I'd like to think if it really came down to it, I could stop though.
Totally understand where you are coming from there. I spent many, many years there. I knew I had a "problem" almost as soon as I started up, but kept using for almost another 20 years. I sure hope you don't have to go through all of the loses I had to go through before I finaly reached the point where I truly WANTED IT. Your posts have many, many of the "red flags" we all experienced early in out addicitons. I guess time will tell.
I used to and occasionally still do have OCD flare-ups during really stressful times that cause actual uncontrollable compulsions aka MUCH MUCH worse than anything I have ever experienced with alcohol and with no pleasure whatsoever attached to them. It's just embarrassing to me because when I visit my family (hundreds of miles away), they make comments... and it is NOT like I spend my time there wasted. My mom asks me to lay off of it because of my elevated blood pressure etc, then when my husband asks how many I have had if I get home a couple of hours before him. He makes me feel bad for drinking too much at night because he thinks that is what causes my hands to shake in the morning and I have to treat patients. It is just nerves, but I can't convince him.
Have you talked to your doctor about this? I'm pretty sure she wouldn't recomend drinking as a solution for your OCD. I could perhaps buy it if that were the only time you drank. It seems that everyone around you sees this is a problem except you. I do admire your honesty in your threads, many folks would try to sugar coat it. Take care.