Originally Posted by
lauraandersen4 
I so appreciate the feedback. I cannot convey how wonderful my relationship with my husband really is btw. It's been magical since day 1. He is eternally tolerant, loving and wonderful... and he loves me with every ounce of his being. It's as though he lives to make me happy and I try to do the same minus this one stumbling block of getting hooked on anything and everything I find able to give my mind a rest.
Thanks for the replies
Hi again Laura
I could have described my relationship with my husband the way you are. I am truly blessed that he is such a loving man, and willing to do most anything for me. How did I return that? By lying to him, hiding my drinking, deceiving him at every turn to keep on drinking. He didn't deserve that. He deserved the honesty and 'all of me' that he was giving to me. I just kept drinking.
He even stayed with me when I went to the emergency room, drunk by noon on a Sunday, thinking I was "hiding" the vodka in my system and only numbing the withdrawals. I was smashed. I used to only drink at parties and dinners. I used to control it. That doesn't matter.. This is progressive, and deadly. If it doesn't kill you before you quit, it likely will ruin most things in your life. Your job, your marriage. Trust me, it can all come to a head very quickly.
After my ER incident, (which only kept me sober for 3 weeks.. ), I started drinking even more secretly. I was miserable and horrified at my life, in those moments when gulping down a 'few' swallows of vodka seemed to take the edge off. I also began counting down the minutes at work so that I could get home and 'enjoy' my evening with my hidden bottle. More lying, more covering up.. less loving, less living. Still a tolerant and loving, trusting husband, that I was completely taking advantage of.
I don't need to tell you the rest of the story, because this post is about you.. and your drinking. I didn't want to stop either. I thought I was having fun, even in the most dark moments hidden away drunk off of alcohol no one knew I had.
If any of this sounds familiar, which I hope it does.. just think about it for a while. Like one of the previous posters said, I agree.. it doesn't sound like you're done yet. I hope you decide to quit before it's decided for you either by health or life change.
I hope that you get to a place where living honestly and with your entire heart is a preference over an alcohol buzz.. it's truly a beautiful gift to give not only your husband, but mostly yourself. Sobriety has been the best thing I have ever experienced in my life. This journey has led me to happiness that can't be bottled and drunk, happiness that I didn't even know was possible. My life was ending before it was really beginning.. all for a buzz.