[QUOTE=BrotherIsLoser;2479220]Alright, first let me start by saying I am tired of my loser brother and I came across this forum to seek resolution to my problem. Here's the story...
So, when we were younger he was always the trouble maker (seemed to enjoy it by nature). In high school he was a "straight-A" student who played sports and later graduated college. Sometime during that time he picked up Marijuana and alcohol. He is currently 30, unemployed (by choice), lives with Mom & Dad who constantly give him money (for example they pay for his cell phone and hand him $20s or more quite frequently), bitches at everyone, has split personalities (I think he may be bi-polar), drinks a 40oz. bottle of beer like it's a 12oz., and has a bunch of loser "stoner" friends who are all "hippies" with crazy ideas. As I write this down, it does make me realize how bad it is. I need all this to stop, but he is unwilling to quit smoking. He believes it is the best invention in the history of life. I also had an encounter awhile ago with one of his friends. Well, the friend also said he would never give up Marijuana. This friend also was extremely lazy - he sat around all day watching South Park; lives with his parents, unemployed, and never attended college (he is 21!). All this smoking burns my eyes, and throat. I don't know why druggies even like it.[QUOTE]
That sounds just like me for the last 5 years. I rarely drank and had never touched a drug before college. That's when the downwad spiral began and only recently started truning around. I was able to hold down a job for the most part, but nothing up to my potential, and I did have extended periods of unempolyment as well.
Anyway, moving on... My brother has seen a psychiatrist on several occassions, but the latest time my Dad tried to get him to go, he refused. This was after he went nuts on Christmas Day with one of his stupid rants. Also to note, he had some huge fit last year right around Christmas. He expected me to drive over an hour to pick up some super commercial sized printer, and I refused because my family had not gotten a tree yet, and we needed to use the big vehicle, additionally, I especially refused when he started with all his crazy bitching. So, he spent all night long complaining, and my Dad got another sibling to give him a ride. He's only used this thing maybe once, and certainly doesn't use it regularly. It was a very short lived Printing Business idea. Along with the drugs and alcohol, he is extremely selfish.
There are studies suggesting that excessive pot smoking can cause delusional thinking, depression, anxiety and bipolar. This has been my personal experience as well. I think I had some depression issues before I started smoking, but they definately got worse with 20+ years of pot smoking.
The major questions I want answers to:
1. Is there a way to possibly trick him into quitting (in some kind of subconscious level)? I know if I threw all the facts at him about drug abuse, or listed off all the celebrities who've died from it, he simply wouldn't listen to me or change.
In a word, NO. He will only quit when and if he is ready to. How to get to that point is the tough part.
2. I know this is really stupid, but if he's gonna be an addict, is there another drug that he can abuse that will not be all up in my air space? I do live with this idiot and I have given up on him.
There are always other drugs to abuse, I certainly would not suggest prusuing that route. I guess you could always get him some herion to shoot. He'd probably like it as (I've heard) the high is like a pot high times 10. Do you guys share the same room? Do your parents let him just smoke it around the house whenever he feels like it? Best advice I can give you on this is to just try to stay away from him as much as possible, let your folks know why you are doing this and if they aren't willing to do anything, look for your own place to stay. (assuming you are at least 18)
3. My older sister (mid 30's) suggested to my parents to kick him out and change the locks, but for some odd reason, they simply wont do it. I don't understand. They should realize "tough love" may help him. As a last resort, should I write in to the Dr. Phil TV show for his expert advice and maybe get free help? My parents are nearing retirement and they should not have to worry about paying a bunch of money to help this lost soul.
Generally I would agree with this. My parents put up with my BS, and sucking up of their money for almost 5 years. The reason I was living with them in the first place was I was released into their custody after a suicide attempt. If they had kicked me out, we both knew I'd finish the job.
This was a bad situation for both of us. They were stuck with a lazy pothead who spent too much of their money and was quite dificult to live with at times. On the other hand, they were enabling my addiction by providing me with the means to continue it. They tried to "make rules", but it never worked as they didn't have any "teeth" in them, as I knew they wouldn't kick me out. Eventually I reached the point where I just couldn't do it anymore and I quit. It's made a tremendous difference in my life, in almost all areas.
4. I should also mention we live in California and my brother obtained one of those medical cards that legally allows him to smoke. I was wondering, is there a way to get that revoked? I was thinking I could get it revoked, then call the cops on him and have him thrown in jail.
Got no idea on that one. All I know is I hope they don't legalize it in North Carolina, because that might be a temptation I couldn't overcome.
5. Is there a way to force him into rehab? I was thinking about looking into a place that would accept him for free. Is rehab even a good idea or is this problem not solvable?
It's possibe you might be able to "force" him into rehab, with an intervention or something. It usually doesn't work though. He has to be willing to quit and willing to do the work needed to quit. I went through rehab twice (8 grand a piece, thank you Mom and Dad) and though I did learn a lot while I was there I was back to using within a few weeks of release. The number one factor in him quitting is him wanting to do it, and you just can't force that on anyone.
After talking to a psychiatrist, somehow the doctor once convinced my brother to give up smoking and drinking, but this only lasted a week. As of recently, he smokes more than anything else. Last year, he was heavily drinking, but as of recently, has slowed down. I don't know why he does it, or how to get him to stop. Please HELP!!
He does it because he is addicted, and unfortunately there is not much you can do to stop it. As others suggested, check out our Friends and Family section to see how you can help yourself. Al-anon and Nar-anon meeting are also often helpful
Final thoughts:
He belongs in one, if not all of these places:
- Mental institution
- Jail / Prison
- Rehab
You are probably right. I've never been to jail, but I've done the other two more than once. From what you've said, I'd say there is a good chance that he has what is refered to as "Dual Diagnosis", meaning he is addicted and has on or more mental health issues. You or he may find the information on this website helpful
Dual Recovery Anonymous - a 12 Step Fellowship
All I can really suggest is that you do whatever you have to to protect yourself. Have a frank discussion with your parents about how this is effecting you. You are both their children. If they won't do anything to help protect you, try to find a way to seperate yourself from the situation as best you can.
I know this doesn't sound fair. Afterall, he's the one causing the problem. However, you have to learn that the only life you have any degree of control over is yours. So see what you can do to help yourself. It sounds like the situation really sucks and it's a shame you are stuck in the middle of it all. It is obvious that some action needs to be taken. Perhaps your parrents could meet with his psychologist so he is completely filled in on what is going on. He can't share much infor with you about your brother due to confidentially rules, but there aren't any rules saying you can't let him in on what is going on. I'm sure your brother probably paints a pretty different picture. I wish you all of the best in dealing with this tough situation. Take care of yourself.