His aim is to regain control, and to bring you back online as his enabler.
And since it is only damaging you and your children to see these scenes (I am still damaged by things exactly like this which happened when I was small), with all respect and love, I suggest that you find another support system, even if you have to pay for it. Get a AAA card to help you with your car, a reliable local babysitter to help you with kid emergencies, and other support that does not involve him. It seems the most natural thing in the world to ask him for help when you need it, but that is akin to leaving a wolf minding your kids for you.
What he did was illegal. The next time you may get hurt or worse. When controlling personalities feel they're losing everything, they get extremely unpredictable and sometimes dangerous.
There is nothing confusing about this, mxh -- he doesn't like what's happening and he is willing to hurt you to get what he wants.
If you let him.
I hope you won't. You've been making great progress lately and I hope you'll continue to make those small steps forward by eliminating your reliance on him and reducing contact.
Hugs,
GL